Choosing to elope can singlehandedly be the best decision you make about your wedding day, especially if you’re one of the many people who feel more like yourself with fewer people around (or completely alone with your parter). But if you have family or close friends you love, it can be hard to overcome feelings of guilt or worry that you might be perceived as selfish and inconsiderate. Here’s the truth: eloping is nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilt about.
We’ve put together a guide below to help you navigate those feelings with compassion and understanding, ensuring that your elopement is a joyful and guilt-free experience.
Is it Selfish to Elope?
Opting for an elopement over a traditional wedding is a deeply personal decision. It’s essential to recognize that prioritizing your desires and happiness doesn’t equate to selfishness. Weddings can be extremely stressful for everyone involved, impacting your mental and emotional health both before and on your wedding day.
It also might not be ideal from a cost-benefit analysis either, especially if what you value most is quality time and exploring with your partner. Would you rather host a large party with 100+ guests with food, drinks, and dancing for $30-50k, or would you prefer more privacy, time spent outdoors in a scenic place, or on a whole epic trip together?
Think about it this way: when you make a significant life decision that aligns with your values and desires, you’re honoring yourself and your partner. This foundation of mutual respect and understanding is critical for a healthy relationship and a lifelong marriage. While it’s natural to consider the feelings of family and friends, your wedding day is ultimately about celebrating your union, not anyone else’s.
And if you’re reading this because someone you love told you they’re eloping, and your first feeling is anger or disappointment, please try to see this from their perspective. Eloping was a deeply personal decision for them, focused on their love and what feels right for their relationship, not a reflection of their feelings toward you.
If all of this doesn’t convince you, then it may be time to consider this: So what if it is? If there’s one day of your life to be a little selfish, your own wedding day honoring your relationship is kind of the perfect day to do just that. It’s also maybe even more selfish of anyone else trying to pressure you to do otherwise, since most weddings can come with loads of unwanted drama and pressure to please others — the total opposite of how it should be feeling.
Is it Bad to Elope Without Family?
Eloping without family doesn’t make your love any less valid or your commitment any less serious. It’s important to communicate this to your loved ones. Your choice to elope might stem from a desire for privacy, a simpler ceremony, or an adventure that is just for the two of you. These are all valid reasons, and they don’t diminish the significance of your commitment.
Remember, traditions around weddings vary greatly across cultures and personal preferences. What matters most is the love and bond you share with your partner, not the number of guests or the grandeur of the event.
Logistically, there are also lots of locations that simply don’t work if you’re bringing others along: difficult places to access, long trails with significant elevation gain, places that require limited/no cell service or other amenities. By eloping just the two of you, it opens up the doors to hundreds of new possibilities!
Having an Elopement vs. a Wedding
Maybe you’re someone (like us!) who like different aspects of both elopements and weddings — and that’s okay, too! You want to read more about side-by-side pros and cons in our post Elopements vs. Weddings, complete with a list of ways to compromise and have a little of both.
Don’t forget that you can elope with 5-10 friends and family members, elope by yourselves and party it up later, or some other entirely unique combination or variation you can dream up. There really are no more rules or limits to eloping these days!
How to Tell Family You’re Eloping
Informing your family about your decision to elope can be daunting, but approaching the conversation with empathy and openness can help. Here are some tips to guide you:
- Choose the right time and place: Have the conversation in a calm and private setting where you can speak openly without distractions. Give them space to ask questions, if you’re willing to talk through your thoughts with them.
- Be honest and compassionate: Explain your reasons for eloping sincerely. Share how you came to this decision and what it means to you and your partner.
- Acknowledge their feelings: Understand that your family might have their own expectations and feelings about your wedding. Acknowledge their emotions and let them know you value their support and love.
- Offer alternatives: Suggest ways to include them in the celebration. You could host a post-elopement party or share your elopement through photos and videos.
- Reassure them: Remind your family that your decision to elope doesn’t change your relationship with them. Your love and commitment to your partner remain strong, and their support and understanding mean a lot to you.
Embracing Your Decision
Once you’ve communicated your plans to your loved ones, give yourself permission to embrace your decision fully. It’s okay to feel a mix of emotions, including relief, excitement, and even some lingering guilt. Allow yourself to process these feelings without judgment, and take the time you need to figure out what feels most right to you so you have no regrets later.
Post-Elopement Reactions
Handling post-elopement reactions from friends and family requires patience, empathy, and clear communication. Understand that their initial responses may be driven by surprise, disappointment, or even feelings of exclusion. Give them space to express their emotions and listen actively without becoming defensive. Offer to share your elopement experience through photos, videos, or a post-elopement reception or dinner party, which can help bridge any emotional gaps and make them feel more included in celebrating this moment with you.
Moving Forward
After your elopement, stay connected with your loved ones. Share your joy and experiences, and involve them in your married life. By maintaining open communication and showing appreciation for their support, you can help ease any lingering feelings of disappointment or exclusion they might feel.
How to Craft a Thoughtful Elopement Announcement
Start by focusing on expressing your joy and the significance of your decision. You can share the happy news directly with those you love most, and then share something online for everyone to see, emphasizing how excited you two were to elope. Although not required, it might help lessen the blow by briefly explaining why eloping was the right choice for you. You can even highlight any plans to celebrate with loved ones in the future and extend gratitude for their support and understanding. Personal touches, such as heartfelt messages or intimate photos, can make the announcement feel warm and inclusive, helping loved ones share in your joy.
Final Thoughts FROM AN ELOPEMENT PHOTOGRAPHER
Eloping is a personal and meaningful choice that can bring immense joy and intimacy to your relationship. By approaching your decision with empathy, honesty, and love, you can navigate the complexities of eloping without guilt or selfishness. Remember, your wedding day is a celebration of your unique love story, and it should reflect what feels right for you and your partner.
At Skyewater Photo + Film, we believe that whatever you decide, you should feel 100% supported, excited, and comfortable with your wedding day and be able to look back on it all with nothing but joy and connection. If you’re looking for a welcoming and supportive team to help you bring your elopement or small wedding day dreams to life, we’d absolutely love the chance to speak with you. Reach out to our elopement photography and videography team today to get started, even if you’re still figuring everything out.
